|  Dustin:
Alrighty Mr. Brown-stripe... you wanna hit this?
DJ: I'll do my best to provide at least 40%
of our banter.
Dustin: You know, I never really know how
to start these things. I always want to be like "hey,
welcome back..." but I keep forgetting we're not actually
on television.
DJ: Not yet, anyway. Still waiting to hear
back from UPN.
Dustin: Alrighty, so the feature this month
was one of my choice... Free Enterprise, a product
of the year 1998. I'd never seen it before, had always heard
good things (when I'd actually find someone who'd seen the
film), and so I thought I'd take the opportunity ot have us
watch it.
DJ: I had seen it... but decided to abide
by your choice anyway. That sounded more negative than I really
feel, actually. Break down the plot so we can get to the back
and forth nonsense!
Dustin: Oh man, the plot... okay, well, to
be perfectly frank, I was having trouble paying attention
to this at first. I'm not really sure why... it might have
been because I'd opened a bottle of Jameson right before I
sat down to watch it.
DJ: Hmmm...
Dustin: But I managed to lock in at some
point, so here's what I got.
DJ: Got it in your tractor beam... gonna
drop the info...
Dustin: Okay, so these two guys, Mark and
Rob, have been zealous Star Trek (The Original Series)
fans since their youth, to the point have having waking dreams
where William Shatner would appear to them and give them advice.
We come to find these fellows hovering around the age of 30,
still tremendous geeks, and very much still enraptured by
the guiding principles set forth in Star Trek, but
both are now struggling (Rob much more so than Mark) to make
a living while working in the film world. Rob is broke to
the point that his utilities are being turned off, which in
turn causes him to lose his girlfriend.
DJ: FICKLE, THY NAME IS WOMAN! Ahem... anyway,
honestly, I thought I was a geek... but these guys are uber
MOVIE GEEKS! Guys who act like these guys are 70 pounds over
or under weight and certainly don't pick up chicks at Golden
Apple or any other comic store. It's absurd!
Dustin: Yeah, these guys were kind of hella
scary. I mean, I've got a pretty decent memory for obscure
geek trivia, but I'm like podunk minor-league baseball compared
to their major league. I got most of their references in the
film, but I never, ever would have thought of them on my own.
DJ: It's this weird bit of line walking where
the guys are okay looking enough to be leads in movies, with
"hip" attire and the occasional one night stand
ladies or whatever, but they have this insanely arcane sci
fi trivia that the screenwriters try to cram into their banter
that just seems like it's trying a bit too hard.
Dustin: Right, I'd actually say the thing
felt like the dialogue of a Kevin Smith film, only not nearly
as smooth. Clever as, arguably, but lacking much of the subtle
nuance.
DJ: Yeah... actually, occasionally ol' Smith,
in my opinion, has the same problem. Clever for the sake of
clever. But, shit, at least it sticks sometimes. So, what
did you think of this goofy little film?
Dustin: Well, let me finish explaining the
driving action of the movie... But without giving up too much
plot, these guys run into William Shatner, sort of befriend
him, and they find out that he's just kind of this werid,
quirky, messed up guy who wants to develop a musical version
of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.
DJ: Yeah, he's the "wise old man"
or "mentor" type that must appear in all films according
to Joseph Campbell reading producers everywhere. I do love
Shatner in self-parody mode, though.
Dustin: Right, he's so tongue-in-cheek in
this, it's a wonder he doesn't need some kind of reconstructive
surgery on his face.
DJ: Heh... yeah. The way he is in this, or
when recording albums with Ben Folds... some people don't
"get it," but to me, ah... it's just so great because
he used to come across as such an egomaniacly blow hard...
now he's this bloated, red faced old bastard clearly having
a blast, and it's fun to watch.
Dustin: Oh, absolutely, and I totally agree
about that last album he did with Folds producing... it's
just unbelieveably good, but on levels that don't click with
everyone.
DJ: Yeah... it's better than Free Enterprise
really, but, sorry. I'm getting us off track. So, Will from
TV's Will and Grace and some other dude are the two
lead guys in this sci fi geek take on Swingers...
Honestly, to me, the whole thing sounded better than I really
felt it was while watching it.
Dustin: I'd call that an accurate reference.
Both in comparison to a geek version of Swingers,
and that the premise sounds more appealing than the movie
might have been. I enjoyed it, but in a kind of out-of-body-experience
manner. I remember sitting there watching it, appreciating
parts of it, but I never really connected with it.
DJ: Yeah. I mean, it's stupid that I almost
feel bad because clearly the guys making this really tried
hard, got Shatner, did a credible, professional job, but...
eh... It's more smile inducing than laugh worthy. I found
myself audibly groaning alot, but it might've been the burritos.
Dustin: All the while, my brain is telling
me things like "That was funny," but I didn't laugh.
DJ: Yeah! Like, the IDEA of Shatner being
this nut who wants to do a rap version of Julius Caesar
sounds HILARIOUS to me, but when we actually see it, I'm all,
"Oh... okay... um... yep..."
Dustin: There were two really great quotes
that I laughed at... and I was so surprised at the fact that
I actually was laughing I assumed they must be great quote
and I wrote them down... Okay, I just read one of them from
my notes, and it's not funny at all out of context. But the
OTHER one, it was such a great line, I had to note it. It's
one that Eric McCormack as Mark says to a hot German girl
that he's trying to make time with: "Given what your
people did to my people during World War II, I'd consider
a little kissing and breast fondling minor reparations at
best."
DJ: Yeah! That's a good line and totally
something I'd expect to see Jason Lee say to someone in a
Kevin Smith flick. That's a good one.
Dustin: Whoa, yes... the line IS a Jason
Lee moment.
DJ: Though the Shanter flashbacks don't work
that great for me b/c, you know, he's old in 'em, I love it
when, um, the other guy is a kid getting in a fight and "Spirit
Guide Shatner" is there, and he asks why they're fighting.
The kid says that the other guy said Han Solo is cooler than
Kirk to which Ominipotent Shat goes, "Kick the little
fucker's ass."
Dustin: Yeah, that's an excellent bit. But
again it only got about halfway up my "amusing"
meter.
DJ: Just Kirk saying "fucker" got
me.
Dustin: I could go on to reference about
a billion geekish moments and "inside jokes" in
the film, but that's probably be really boring. People would
be better served by watching the movie if they want to understand
how laden it is with geek fodder.
DJ: Good thinking.
Dustin: That Eric McCormack guy was pretty
good. I didn't really even have trouble separating him from
his role on Will and Grace... I think it might have
been his hair. It was really quite good hair.
DJ: Yeah. A swoopy do. Actually, his nebbish,
kind of whininess that tends to get on my nerves in Will
& Grace seemed to work okay in this. Who the hell
was the other guy?
Dustin: Rafer Wigel... he's pretty much an
unknown.
DJ: "Rafer"? He was pretty good,
too. Though neither of them really look or dress like how
guys who talk like they do... do. "do do." sorry.
Dustin: Yeah, I'd agree... sticking with your earlier
comparison to Swingers, he certainly held his own
in the same manner that Jon Favreau did as Mike.
DJ: Was it weird to see "Sue" from
Swingers in this? I thought so. Kinda lame almost.
Too nail on head for the Swingers comparisons.
Dustin: And you made a good point back there--did
you see the "real life" Mark and Rob in the special
features on the DVD? It's obvious that the actors are much...
ummm... "prettier" than those guys.
DJ: Yeah! They're for real! And, to just
come out with my nerdiness... not that it's hidden at all...
I remembered co-writer Mark Altman from his articles in this
sci fi movie mag called Cinescape that I used to
have a subscription to. I shouldn't have pointed that out...
Dustin: Yeah, you lost me... and that's bad.
DJ: Ug. Sorry. Anyway, he's for real. That's
for sure. I have to say that Shatner in bluejeans disturbs
me for some reason.
Dustin: I have no idea why that would bother
you... some kind of repressed denim trauma from your childhood?
DJ: Um... maybe just bloated Kirk with his
shirt tucked in. I don't know. It's weird. We shouldn't analyze
it.
Dustin: I think I've just realized why movies
like this seem like they have good premises, but
they never quite live up to my expectations--it's because
they're too real.
DJ: Almost why watch it when you can frighteningly
live it?
Dustin: Nobody, not even someone who has
an inhaler filled with compressed geek air, could ever actually
have conversations as good as these are.
DJ: Ha!
Dustin: For example, you and I have proven
our geeky merit to a respectable degree time and time again,
yet we have NEVER had a conversation like one on this film.
Ever. Nobody is that witty and insightful with that kind of
consistency. For heaven's sake, we're sitting here typing
this with time to THINK about what we're going to say... and
look how crappy it's coming out!
DJ: It's not realistic dialogue, but, you
know, it's a movie, and I wouldn't want to watch someone as
tightlipped or monsyllabic or backwards as me in a flick,
really. But, yeah, it's too much here. Not close enough to
realism and too self-aware.
Dustin: And there it is. So, final analysis...
Good for what it is. Enjoyable, likeable, watchable.... but
nothing to get overly excited about.
DJ: Yeah. While I feel like I've been picking
it apart too much, it' s not that great. But it's got promise
and isn't horrible. I actually read on IMDB that there's supposedly
a sequel in production or something. Free Enterprise 2:
My Big Fat Geek Wedding--subtitle already dated. It might
be bad info, though.
Dustin: Yes, I saw that too. I think that
might be a bad idea. This is a situation where they arguably
hit the mark, but not by much.
DJ: Yeah. One had some fun lil' moments.
It's a decent flick, but I'd rather watch Swingers,
honestly.
Dustin: Same here, although I still maintain
the end of Swingers is ridiculously unrealistic.
That guy does NOT land Heather Grahm. No way... totally crushed
my believability in the flick. But that's a story for another
day.
DJ: Ah, but that's another "Spoiler
Warning," my red headed friend...
Dustin: I just said that.
DJ: I should finish reading your posts before
I start typing mine.
Dustin: Fin?
DJ: I think so. Did we talk abou the actual
flick enough?
Dustin: Remember when we used to be "funny?"
DJ: Yeah! Funny...
Dustin: When did we start being so goddamn
serious?
DJ: Funny... I'm not so much anymore. Don't
know about you.
Dustin: I mean, we used to be Andy Dick brand
of "funny" without being that annoying.
DJ: Yeah. I remember fondly the Batman
one... I felt like that was still the best... I want to be
wacky, but it doesn't always work. You think "Spoiler
Warning" is readable, though?
Dustin: Yeah. Sure.
DJ: Ever get feedback on it?
Dustin: Nope, not really.
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