Batman: The Movie (1966)
Insights and Guffaws by Grovemiller and Kirkbide
 
DJ: Alright, you're Siskel, back from the dead... I'm Ebert, eating and eating and eating... and eating.
 
Dustin: He’s lost weight, you know. Like, a lot.
 
DJ: Yeah. He's not as fun anymore.
 
Dustin: Okay, so I picked this purely because it's insane. I wish they'd made more movies like this, although I'm not sure whom their target audience really was.
 
DJ: They were probably targeting fans of Beetlejuice, right?
 
Dustin: I think that Beetlejuice came out a little later than this…
 
DJ: No, no… Keaton was riding high on that when Burton cast him as Batman.
 
Dustin: Uhhhh…
 
DJ: Burton directed Keaton in that, then cast him as Batman! I remember being very worried at the time.
 
Dustin: Deej, we were supposed to be reviewing the FIRST Batman movie…
 
DJ: Right!
 
Dustin: …the one with Adam West…
 
DJ: Not Batman Returns, but --
 
Dustin: …and Burt Ward…
 
DJ: Oh. Uh…
 
Dustin: … and a cavalcade of stars.
 
DJ: Uh... I KID!!!
 
Dustin: Sure you do. Have you ever SEEN the first Batman?
 
DJ: I have a postcard with a reproduction of the movie poster right here... “WHAM! NOW IT'S ALL ON THE CINEMA SCREEN IN COLOUR!” That’s the tagline.
 
Dustin: Quick - who plays Catwoman?!? ANSWER!
 
DJ: Lee Meriwether! Not the more famous Julie Newmar.
 
Dustin: Right. Okay, I believe you now.
 
DJ: Right on. The movie's biggest problem, honestly, is right at the beginning. THEY DON'T USE THE FAMOUS MUSIC FROM THE TV SHOW!!! Why do movies based on TV shows do this?
 
Dustin: Well, I think the most noticeable thing is -- and this starts right off the "bat" too -- is everything is "Bat" this and "Bat" that. The first one is what -- Shark Repellent Bat Spray? And it somehow goes downhill from there.
 
DJ: The Shark Repellent Bat Spray was HUGE! I loved that! And the rubber shark that Robin has help get off Batman's leg... Man, they couldn't do stuff like that on a shoestring TV budget. That was for the big budget big leagues...
 
Dustin: They probably spent the bigger movie budget on all those star villains as well.
 
DJ: Word. Speaking of... dig this from IMDB!
 
“Julie Newmar did not appear in the film because she had signed to do another project and could not get out of the commitment in time to work on this movie.”
 
That explains the Lee Meriwether shit.
 
Dustin: Yep, I knew that, actually. And it made me very, very sad.
 
DJ: You knew that? How? Why???
 
Dustin: Read it somewhere. I was going through a strange Julie Newmar phase, and I did some research on her.
 
DJ: So, here's the deal -- this flick was originally going to be the pilot for the sixties Batman TV show, right? But they ended up filming it later. Did you know that, genius boy??? Hmmmm?
 
Dustin: No, I didn't. And I question whether you're making the whole thing up
 
DJ: Holy shit. Really? Heaven's no! I researched, dude. I have adamwest.com bookmarked!
 
Dustin: Really, I didn't know that. You researched? I just watched the movie. Hey, speaking of Adam West, you know what I was thinking the whole way through? I'd love to see West and William Shatner in the same movie.
 
DJ: DUDE! DUDE!!! I had an idea for one... That I was gonna pitch to them! Or at least make a fake story! It'd be a buddy cop flick... And they're both about to retire... Well, I won't get into it. But goddamn that'd be a lot of ham on the screen, wouldn't it?
 
Dustin: Yeah. I don't know if I could even go and see that.
 
DJ: It'd be awesome. But they're both 108, so it may never happen...
 
Anyway, Batman and Robin's villains team up against them in this flick... Do the run down!
 
Dustin: Right! We've got: Cesar Romero as The Joker, Burgess Meredith as The Penguin, Lee Meriwether as Catwoman... and Frank Gorshin as The Riddler.
 
DJ: Hell yeah! And, as Batman said... when asked if they were planning on taking over the entire country...
 
"If it were three of them, I would say yes, but *four*? Their minimum objective must be... THE ENTIRE WORLD."
 
(shudder)
 
There are some high stakes in this adventure.
 
Dustin: That's DRAMA.
 
DJ: But why no Egghead?
 
Dustin: Maybe Vincent Price was unavailable, or he was dead already. He died like 12 times.
 
DJ: He was a Nazi I hear. But that's neither here nor there! These are clearly the four best villains. Hands down!
 
Dustin: Oh, without a doubt. My next question to you: Do you think that the script was unintentionally inane, or do you think the writers purposefully made it overly obvious and bloated with dialogue that spells out every. little. detail. As if they knew it was a joke, and wanted to push it way, way too far?
 
DJ: Part of me thinks they don't know that they should show it instead of say it... But no. This show was insane. And EVERYONE knew it. I find that if I watch this with the intent of making fun, I don't enjoy it.
 
Dustin: But, there's a line where Batman asks Alfred if he has his Driver's License on him, before letting him drive the Batmobile. Is that REALLY necessary?
 
DJ: Dude, that reminds me of the part in Batman & Robin where Clooney Batman has a Bat Visa card... But, yes, this movie does spell it all out. Adam West's Batman was more of a boy scout that Superman ever was... By the books and angst free. So he'd make sure that limey Alfred had a license.
 
Dustin: But I have a problem with that.
 
DJ: Bring it.
 
Dustin: Batman needs angst... it's what made him Batman. Any reader of the comic book can tell you that. What motivation, at all, could the West Batman have to be Batman?
 
DJ: Right, that's why this movie is totally, 100% not true to the character in any way. And neither was the show. There was almost no reason to call it Batman other than name recognition.
 
Dustin: Right. On the whole, it's really better to assume that this Batman is in no way actually Batman if you like Batman. But if you like weird and campy television, this is your guy.
 
DJ: Exactly. This is pure, creepy comedy. It's fun!
 
Dustin: It's satire gone horribly unchecked.
 
DJ: It almost goes beyond satire... I mean, what are they making fun of? They made a whole messed up genre in and of itself!
 
Dustin: It gets to the point where they're just making fun of themselves.
 
DJ: No parody, just zany nonsense!
 
DJ: In some cases, even with the four villain thing, it's like they were just piling everything ludicrous about the show into this one movie... It's about to burst most of the time. Like Adam West's tights.
 
Dustin: Honestly, this really was an early example of when a franchise does a "kick up your heels and have some fun" kind of film. You know, along the same lines as Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and the Star Trek movie with the whales.
 
DJ: Ah ha! Yeah, the filmmakers seemed to have fun... maybe at the expense of making an actual "movie" sometimes... but it's not without it's charms, and the fun is infectious. Tell me, what was going through your mind as Batman was running around with a bomb over his head for, like, fifteen minutes?
 
Dustin: That wasn't so much of an "Oh, come on..." moment, actually. Not as much as later in the film when the Bat-copter is hit by a missile and Batman and Robin just happen to crash into a giant pile of foam rubber at the Foam rubber Wholesaler's convention.
 
DJ: Yes!!!!
 
Dustin: That was my biggest incidence of "this has gone too far."
 
DJ: Too far, indeed. To inspired lunacy! Just sheer insanity! What was more disturbing to you -- Robin (Burt Ward)'s crotch, or The Joker's mustache? (Merely painted over with white makeup).
 
Dustin: Cesar Romero's mustache always kind of bugged me. But as a last comment on the villains, I really think this movie was a tour de force for Burgess as the Penguin. It's totally his film, in a lot of ways. In fact, I'd say that he was the only thing that actually drove the plot at times.
 
DJ: But, you know, Meredith was a "real" actor, having worked with Orson Welles' Mercury Theatre and whatnot... (as did Egghead Vincent Price, but he wasn't in this unfortunately... I point that out AGAIN!) But, yeah, Penguin's flick all the way. But, from the movie, Riddle me this, Dustin ... What's yellow and writes?
 
Dustin: Oh, I don't remember this...
 
DJ: Robin got it... With a fist in the hand no less! Give up?
 
Dustin: Yes.
 
DJ: A ballpoint banana. Now what the HELL was that all about??? Either you find shit like that funny, or you DO NOT go near this movie.
 
Dustin: Agreed... and I think with that, we've probably discussed this to the point of you're either going to go watch the movie now, or you know you should never, ever go near it.
 
DJ: Right-o, but to say "farewell"... Did Batman call Catwoman a "pussy" in this?
 
Dustin: I think he might have. Can't say for certain.
 
DJ: He did, by thunder... This is messed up. Purrrr-fectly messed up.
 
…
 
I have to stop now. I'm freaking myself out with my lameness.
 
Dustin: Well, at least we know why you can relate to the film. See you next month?
 
DJ: Holy recurring column, Dustin!
 
Dustin: Really. That's enough.