The 12 Days of Japan
 

It’s the first day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: The pristine, bustling streets of Sapporo.  Pedestrians in highly fashionable suits and skirts.  Cars, buses, and taxicabs fly by.  Focus in on the doors to a new, impressive shopping mall.  A lone man -- less fashionably dressed, but not dirty -- sleeps in a tight ball in a cement alcove.  He has no belongings nor does he beg for change.  He is merely still, while the rest of the scene is busy.  Fade out.

It’s the second day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Two beers too many and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: The Sapporo Beer Garden, evening.  Laura and her traveling companions – boyfriend Ryan, younger brother Greg, his wife Teresa, her sister Sheila, and her husband Randy – carouse after dinner.  The long table is covered in scraps left from a completed “Genghis Khan” style meal (two hot plates in the middle of the table are oily, with remnants of lamb, cabbage, salmon, scallops, and bean sprouts; a few empty plates; many empty beer steins).  Each person wears a bib with the Sapporo Beer Garden logo.  Ryan & Greg burst into a chorus of “We’re jammin’” while Laura asks the server to take a picture of the group.  All turn and smile in various states of inebriation.  The camera flashes.  Fade out.

It’s the third day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: Sheila & Randy enjoy noodles at a quiet little restaurant in Yokohama.  A server enters behind Randy.  He slips on the floor and falls flat on his butt.  Sheila & Randy show concern, but he is up immediately.  After much bowing and apologies, he exits.  Another server enters behind Sheila.  She carries a tray with drinks.  When she is next to Sheila, she stumbles and very nearly falls to the ground, but rights herself just in time, spilling just a few drops of water onto their table.  Again, bowing and apologies.  Immediately after she begins bowing, a third server enters behind Randy with a tray full of dinners.  She slips in the same place as the first server and falls face-down.  Plates of food fly everywhere.  She is up again right away, unhurt and giggling.  She and the second server begin cleaning up the mess as Sheila and Randy quietly sneak out.

It’s the fourth day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Four rented bikes,
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: A steep street in a neighborhood outside Mt. Moiwa.  The sun beats down on the ancient, broken sidewalk as Greg and Teresa fly by on well-used bikes.  Ryan and Randy cruise by next, riding shiny (rented) bikes and laughing.  Sheila and Laura bring up the rear, also on shiny (rented) bikes, hitting every bump in the sidewalk and screeching their brakes.  Laura hits a big bump and falls over.  She gets back up and proceeds to walk the bike down the hill.  Fade out.

It’s the fifth day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Five hours of sleep!
Four rented bikes,
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: Laura and Ryan asleep in a Tokyo hotel room, 6am.  Ryan’s arm emerges from the covers and his hand smacks the alarm clock.  Fade out.

It’s the sixth day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Six sweaty tourists,
Five hours of sleep!
Four rented bikes,
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: Sheila and Teresa at the check-out counter of the Aon department store.  Their faces are flushed and their clothes stick to their backs.  Laura, Ryan, Greg and Randy wait nearby, eye-balling a digital display which shows “33 degrees C.”  Sheila shows the clerk a sketch of an electric fan that she has just drawn.  The clerk shakes her head.  Cut to the same scene at the Yodobashi Camera store.  This time Ryan and Greg down bottles of Amino Suppli (Japanese Gatorade) as they wait and Laura fans herself with a map.  Again the clerk shakes her head.  Finally, cut to the same scene at the Don Quixote “dollar-store.”  Again the clerk shakes her head.  Sheila sighs, then buys a souvenir Japanese fan.  She tears open the package and fans herself.  Fade out.

It’s the seventh day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Seven-hour train rides,
Six sweaty tourists,
Five hours of sleep!
Four rented bikes,
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: The labyrinthine Tokyo subway map: a myriad of different colors with tiny, illegible kanji written at stops along the 30 different lines.  A line begins at Narita, nearly off the map in the right-hand corner, and begins moving slowly towards the center of Tokyo.  Superimposed over this map is the image of our six weary travelers, sitting on a subway train.  Sheila and Randy eat a melon bun.  Laura drinks a bottle of cold green tea.  Fade into: Randy and Ryan standing as the train is more crowded. Greg sleeps against Teresa’s shoulder.  Fade into: an even more crowded train; Laura and Sheila also standing now; Greg still sleeping against Teresa’s shoulder; Ryan trying to read the katakana above the subway door.  Finally, fade into: everyone standing together; Laura and Greg asleep on their feet; Sheila and Randy reading a guidebook together; Ryan still trying to read katakana; Teresa checking her pages of notes for the name of the next stop.

It’s the eighth day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Eight crossing guards,
Seven-hour train rides,
Six sweaty tourists,
Five hours of sleep!
Four rented bikes,
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: Another bustling intersection in downtown Sapporo.  Pedestrians flow up and down the street in neat lines as eight workers in bright green and yellow uniforms, green hats and white gloves, point them in the direction that they are already going. Laura points to this spectacle and laughs.  Greg explains that the creation of meaningless jobs like this is why government spending is out of control in Japan, and why there is only one homeless guy in Sapporo.

It’s the ninth day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Nine Miyazaki films,
Eight crossing guards,
Seven-hour train rides,
Six sweaty tourists,
Five hours of sleep!
Four rented bikes,
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: On the roof of the colorful Ghibli Museum in Mitaka.  Laura and Ryan pose for a picture next to a gigantic iron sculpture of the robot from “Castle in the Sky” which stands in the middle of a garden.  Cut to Greg and Teresa inside the museum, watching a moving diorama of “My Neighbor Totoro,” animated by strobe lights.  Cut to Sheila and Randy looking up at an entire wall full of sketches from “Kiki’s Delivery Service.”  Fade out.

It’s the tenth day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Ten salary men stumbling,
Nine Miyazaki films,
Eight crossing guards,
Seven-hour train rides,
Six sweaty tourists,
Five hours of sleep!
Four rented bikes,
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: Night.  Our six travelers wait at a bus stop outside the Narita subway station for the last bus back to their hotel.  A bus pulls up and several men in fashionable suits, ties and jackets askew, stumble off the bus.  They lamely attempt to walk away towards the entrance to the subway trains, running into walls and falling over each other.  They apologize and bow each time.  Our group watches in amazement and laughs uproariously as the men fade out of sight.

It’s the eleventh day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Eleven miles to a trash can,
Ten salary men stumbling,
Nine Miyazaki films,
Eight crossing guards,
Seven-hour train rides,
Six sweaty tourists,
Five hours of sleep!
Four rented bikes,
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: A clean subway train in Tokyo.  The six tourists sit on the benches and eat breakfast out of McDonald’s boxes.  They finish and put all of their trash into one McDonald’s bag.  They get off the train and walk through the pristine station looking for a trash can; there are none to be found.  They shrug and exit the station.  Outside, another clean Tokyo street; no litter.  The tourists make their way up the street, still looking around for a trash can.  None are visible.  They enter a spotless city park, point out the war monuments as they walk by.  Still no trash cans.  They enter another subway station.  Greg spots a lone trash can on the other side of a barrier.  He tries to reach over the barrier to throw away the bag, but it is out of his reach.  He gives the trash bag to Ryan, who stretches his entire six-foot-three frame over the barrier and just barely makes the toss to the trash can.  The other travelers applaud and he bows. Fade out.  

It’s the last day of vacation; I wonder what’s tomorrow?
Twelve hours on a plane,
Eleven miles to a trash can,
Ten salary men stumbling,
Nine Miyazaki films,
Eight crossing guards,
Seven-hour train rides,
Six sweaty tourists,
Five hours of sleep!
Four rented bikes,
Three wiped-out waiters,
Two beers too many, and
One homeless guy in Sapporo!

Scene: The roomy business-class section of an airplane.  Laura and Ryan toast each other with complimentary champagne.  Cut to Laura and Ryan eating their dinners out of bento boxes; an attendant serves Ryan more wine.  Cut to Laura reading the airline magazine as Ryan watches “Shrek 2” on his personal TV.  Cut to Laura asleep in her seat as Ryan watches “Shrek 2” (again) on his personal TV.  Cut to Laura rolling over in her sleep as Ryan watches “Shrek 2” (again) on his personal TV.  Cut to Laura waking up and smacking Ryan to turn off “Shrek 2” as the breakfast is being served. Fade out.
 
 
*Yes, all of these scenes actually happened on our vacation to Japan in August.  Can you believe I didn’t even have to make any of this stuff up??

**I must give credit to my fellow-travelers for the creation of this piece: to entertain ourselves during those long train rides, we collectively came up with the “12 Days of Japan” song over the course of our vacation.  The song was originally the brain-child of Sheila.  Thanks for the fun memories, guys!

~~~~~

Laura is a regular columnist for the footnote. She was kind enough to bring back Dustin a t-shirt with a ninja on it.