| Flash
back to one year past: There is an obnoxiously irritating
old woman at my work right now telling me this boring and
drawn-out story and she won't shut up, so I have begun to
think about a few things:
Why is she here? I work at a "youth" hostel. I would
be so much happier of a camper if all the people staying here
were actually youths (preferably hot foreign men, but I know
that's asking a bit much). About 95% of the crazy people that
stay here, and in the winter there are a lot, are old. And
about 50% of the old people that stay here are crazy.
How is it possible to have so much chin hair when you're a
woman? I guess it has to do with the lack of estrogen after
you go through menopause. A related question: can't she pluck
or wax it? I mean, I don't care how old I am -- if I'm capable
and not pissing on myself, then I'm going to make sure I don't
have an excess of facial hair.
Why do people annoy me so much that I have to literally grit
my teeth to keep from insulting them or grimacing horribly?
Is this normal? This might go along with my anger management,
but I've been doing so well ever since I realized that making
fun of people is more fun than yelling at them.
Don't boring people realize they're boring? I am sometimes
mid-conversation and actually bore myself. I realize that
the wise idea is to stop right then and there and I often
do, telling the other person just that: “you must be
bored because I am, and I'm the one talking.” So, do
they just not care? Or do they get some sort of perverse pleasure
out of boring someone senseless who has no recourse available
to them?
Why do those of us in the service industry have to put up
with such behavior? I often think how wonderful the world
would be if ruled by the French. We would all have French
upper lips, adorable accents, and shopkeepers would be exceedingly
rude to all customers. The customers would expect this and
feel to blame if they were treated badly. I mean, there must
be a reason they were singled out for especially poor service.
I think the human evolutionary chain would eventually lead
to smarter people, since the stupid individuals I have described
above would not be able to find mates because of the constant
public embarrassment they would suffer for their stupidity.
What do adult diapers feel like? I wonder if they chafe. Do
the receptacles in the restrooms that are used for "sanitary
napkins" hold them or do you have to walk out of the
stall with one in your hand in order to throw it away? That
would be embarrassing. And what about men? They don't have
those wonderful metal containers, do they? And you'd need
a big purse to hold a spare, or do they fold up really small?
Now I know why old women always have such big purses. But,
again, what about the old men? I guess they're probably dead
or stuck indoors so they don't need to carry a spare.
This horrendously old lady is missing a finger on one hand
but there is no missing space. It was as though her hand had
grown over the space where the missing finger once was like
roots from a tree. How does that happen?
Why do old woman clothes look good on young girls but not
the old women after whom they were named? Should old women
start dressing like young girls to look good?
Related to the above: why do so many middle-aged women dress
like kids under the age of 10? Matching shorts and T-shirts,
Disney sweatshirts -- you know where I’m going with
this. Just wearing shorts is kind of scary, in my opinion.
I reserve shorts-wearing to cutoffs, OP cords (maybe) and
adorable high-waisted, forties-inspired pieces (damn my friend
and nemesis Sarah The Fashion Student for pairing them with
heels and becoming belle of the ball -- again!)
Related to above: why do many foreign men wear short shorts
or very tight pants? Do they not realize that this is very
unattractive? What countries are most to blame for this? How
do some guys escape this seemingly inescapable trend?
Then there are the irritating people that are cold all the
time. They remind me of poor Irish Catholic school kids in
the pulling-at-the-heartstring type of movies. They sniffle
constantly, noses running, they wonder why it has to be so
cold all the time: “Oh Mama, why can’t we have
heat like Jimmy’s family? And, while we’re at
it, a real dinner would be nice, at least on my birthday.”
I feel for these poor darlings in their perpetually damp climate,
but not for my coworker in California who turns on the heater
so that she can stay warm in her midriff tank top in the middle
of winter. I know it’s California, but we’re supposed
to have seasons, too.
I could go on and tell you all about the women with small
pudgy feet that repulse me in some way I can’t explain.
They -- the feet, that is -- seem like they’d be moist
all the time. “Moist” brings to mind those poor
suckers with perpetually sweating hands. I shake a damp, limp,
warm hand and I want to puke. But I think I’ve ranted
enough. Until next month… |
