Hook Walker
Unchecked rage from D.J. Kirkbride
 
Hey asshole who walked on the hood of my car!

Yeah you, bitch. What’s your deal? I park my car on the side of the road, by my house, with bunches of other cars, but only mine ends up with three big ass dents on the hood! How did walking on a stranger’s car seem like a good idea, jag off?

If you think you got away scot-free, you got another thing comin’ thanks to your SHOEPRINT on the paint!!! Sloppy. By my calculations, you’re a male, size nine shoe, possibly sporting Chuck Taylor All-Stars by the design. You bet your retarded life I took a sample of that print and am getting my forensics team on it pronto! I’m also personally searching the neighborhood for prints on the ground. Studying the sidewalks for possible mud trails from your shoe. That’s right. I’m goin’ Sherlock Holmes on your bitch-ass.

Oh, yes. You just signed your death warrant, kid. I’m a comin’ for ya’ with tweezers, a book of matches, and some gasoline. You’ve wronged me, and now you’re in for a world of hurt. A. WORLD. OF. HURT. Don’t let me catch you! Run. Run for your silly little life! Because I’m all up in your shit now, dickhead. Heed my words: Say good-bye to your loved ones. Make the arrangements. Start planning your funeral!