Then There Was No Tadd
 
Okay my friends, this is how we're going to do this. Tadd's off on one of his little month long benders, and he totally forgot to leave us a number to reach him at. Okay, not totally, but every time we call the phone he said he'd be at we get some chick that only speaks Spanish. None of us here speak Spanish. Sure, we've got French, German and fucking Welsh covered, but no Spanish.

So Dustin says to D.J., "What are we doing about Tadd this month?".

D.J. says "Oh poop, I'm a big woman."

Dustin says to Laura, "What are we doing about Tadd this month? D.J.'s a woman."

Laura says, "Who's Tadd? And that explains why D.J. is wearing a skirt."

This goes on though all of us -- Cousy, Anthony, the guy that empties out our trash -- until Dustin says to Fingers, "Hey, you're going to have to write something for Tadd's column. By tomorrow."

Fingers says to Dustin "Hey, fuck that. I actually wrote someting else for you this month."

Dustin then says, "Don't you owe me $20?"

Goddamn it.

So now I, Fingers O'Reilly, stand before you and still say "Fuck that. I'm submitting a picture of a baboon holding a tray. Have a good month."

-Fingers