| [editor's
note: you can read Part 1 of this story here]
Maeby and I met at an undisclosed location to develop her
vindictive plot. She had spent forty-four years figuring out
just what she would be able to get away with, without accidentally
killing or permanently injuring anyone in the process. She
simply needed to embarrass Disneyland Park so badly that it
would taint the park’s history forever.
As we passionately sipped Orange Julius (with immunity boosts
to keep us healthy for our mission) Maeby threw down a dossier
of what she had titled Operation: Get Back at Disneyland
(she wasn’t very creative when it came to titles). The
dossier held maps of the park, lists of every current employee’s
names, a map of the park indicating where each security camera
was, menus from every restaurant and food cart in the park,
and the names and cell phone numbers of two men we could call
in case we got into any trouble. When asking how Maeby got
all of this information, she told me “You don’t
want to know. Let’s just say it involved an armadillo
and a lot of lubrication.” I pressed her no further.
She reached in her pocket, pulling out a small vial filled
with a brownish green liquid.
“This is purified senna leaf in its most concentrated
form. It’s an intensely strong purgative that has an
irritant effect on the intestinal membrane that causes griping,
nausea and liquid stool.”
She had done her research.
“So, basically, explosive diarrhea. Montezuma’s
revenge, if you will,” I said.
“Exactly. The maximum dosage that one would take in
order to relieve themselves of your normal constipation would
be 60mg. But Bethany, my friend, we’re going to give
every guest at Disneyland Park today a 100mg dose, and Disneyland
Park will be all to blame. With an overdose of senna, one
will have burns on their anus worse than second degree burns
from a house fire. Ah ha ha ha ha.”
Her laugh was wicked and somewhat frightened me.
 She
continued, “The average daily attendance of the park
is forty thousand. I’ve got over four thousand grams
of senna in a safe at my home. What you and I are going to
do is make sure that every food item, every beverage and every
lollipop purchased contains 100mg of pure laxative for each
guest. Now, there is a total of three hundred and forty-six
bathroom stalls in the park; two hundred and seventy-eight
of which are in women’s restrooms, the remaining sixty-eight
being in men’s restrooms. I’m sure you don’t
need to take much time to realize that forty thousand people
having emergency bathroom needs and only three hundred forty-six
toilets doesn’t work out very well. It’s going
to be diarrhetic mayhem!”
I was astounded. “That’s insane! Only three-hundred
and forty-six bathrooms? That’s worse than the lifeboat/passenger
ratio of the Titanic! This is gonna be great!”
“Fuck
yeah it is. Alright, so here’s what we need to do.”
She went into a two hour discussion, describing every move
we were to make and the details of exactly how to inject the
senna into each food product.
Disneyland’s food and beverage delivery from Maitlin’s
Food Services is scheduled daily for 4am. The Maitlin
truck normally makes its drop at the north cast member entrance
earlier, around 3:15am, leaving it unattended until the first
cast member arrives to begin prepping and shelving it. That
was going to give us exactly forty-five minutes to inject
all of the food and drink with the senna. An insanely small
amount of time for the task, but we were going to do it!
Maeby had set D-Day for December 16th , forty-four years to
the day she was fired. It was in four days. We needed to prepare.
We headed to her house and got into an intense three-day regimen
that involved fitness training, strengthening reaction time
and Trivial Pursuit skills. I ate nothing but Matzo and Orange
Julius and slept on a cot in Maeby’s laundry room. I
knew what she was doing. She was toughening me up. She could
tell I had somewhat of a soft spot for Disneyland and the
families that enjoyed it, and she knew she needed to harden
me. She knew that watching forty-thousand people going into
a gastrointestinal hell was going to be hard to watch and
she wanted to make sure I could go through with it.
December 16th , 2002. The alarm went off at 2:07am. We rose,
clothed and prepared.
It was time.
The
thrilling conclusion comes next month!
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