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Rage Against the Machines
Could someone please explain to me what the big deal is with driving? Because I don't get it. The pedal on the right makes you go. The pedal on the left makes you stop. The big round thing in front of you makes you go left or right.

As far as I know, this is about 75% of driving. This is all you need to know to control a vehicle. So why is it that nobody can remember the little things? Like not crashing into other cars...

I have a forty-minute commute to work everyday, and I cannot believe the things that people will do while driving. I see women with their visors down doing their make-up on the highway at seventy-five miles an hour. I once saw a woman doing her hair -- complete with curling iron and hair spray!

And women aren't the only ones, either. Don't get me wrong... I've seen plenty of men doing their make-up, too. I once followed a guy three miles through town while he swerved all over the road - I thought he was drunk. When I finally got a chance to pass him, I could see that he was reading a newspaper! What the fuck, man?!? Pay attention for God's sake!

Cell phones are the least of our problems. I have actually seen a guy in a pick-up truck lean out of his own window while his friend held the wheel to reach a six pack of beer that was in the bed behind him! Christ on a bike! I'm following an alcoholic stuntman!

And what's the big deal with using your turn signals, people? It's right there next to the big round thing that, with any luck, you've got at least one of your hands on! Flip the damn switch!!! It lets me know that you're about to cut me off and slam on the brakes so the semi-truck behind me loaded with giant farm equipment can run me right the fuck over!!! Jesus Katie Bodean! Do we have just zero common sense?!? A thirty foot truck with thirty tons of steel on it just doesn't stop like your Mazda Miata - Figure it out!!!

And while we're on the subject of changing lanes, let me explain the concept of "merging": Two lanes of traffic come together... they "merge" together. Get it? That's how it got its name. But when I come to where we "merge," it's just a long series of one guy cutting the other guy off to get over so he doesn't miss his exit!!! It makes me crazy! I swear to Christ, the first time I get in an accident because somebody else did something stupid I will pull them from the twisted metal and beat them until they quit moving, so help me!!!

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