I've just discovered something about myself that I find mildly horrifying. I've managed to spend the day reading a book cover to cover - as will happen to the best of us on some days - and it dawns on me that I'm really enjoying the end of this book. Not a problem, ordinarily, but I've realized that I'm really into it for entirely the wrong reasons. The main characters have succeeded in foiling the villain's plot (as main characters are wont to do in their stereotypical way) and they're now discussing the future plans of their organization (a police force in this case). It's at this point, as the action has passed its cathartic expiration date (and should be removed from the refrigerator before it congeals), that I find myself wishing I were in the story. Not during the previous 300 pages, mind you, where all the really interesting stuff (and even a bit of nudity on the part of the female lead) transpires - but at the end. It's because they're laying out plans and talking about resources and scheduling, and I seem to find that really exciting.
Oh man, I'm some kind of planning junkie. How did this happen to me?
Now, I've always had a penchant for naming things… I've been known to spend a great deal of time and resources trying to come up with suitable names for just about damn near everything. All my cars have been named ("Little Red," "Jane," and "Buster" chronologically), as well as my good SLR camera (Stacie), my ex-girlfriends (nice list there) and my bike (Ixion) are all great examples of this tendency. The hammer I keep in my tool belt even has a name - Bruce. Not sure why, it just seemed like "Bruce" would be a damn good name for that hammer - when I hold it in my hand, it makes me want to turn its name into a verb. "Please excuse me, I need to go and Bruce some nails into that wall…" I digress, though, because the chronic naming is just one symptom of what seems to be a larger issue.
I like making schedules too. One of the happiest duties working for the Information Technology Department in college was that in my later years I got to make the schedules for all the lab workers. I would spend an entire day and establish a schedule for the semester based on my worker's class loads. It was always one of my happiest days on the job. When I was part-time at Barnes & Noble I longed to be a manger, not because I wanted any of the responsibility - I just wanted to do the scheduling! Oh, the fun I would've had, taking all those names and putting them onto paper, like fitting pieces of a puzzle together. Then people would clamor to see my handiwork taped or tacked to a wall somewhere, to see out how I'd worked them into the big picture. <sigh>
I'm also pretty sure I like to have things filed. I don't really enjoy the act of filing, mind you - I just like to have things neatly tucked into drawers and labeled accordingly. The labels in particular are given special attention - if not computer generated, then I take time to write bold block letters with a felt marker or the like. The process can get tedious, to be sure, but I'm in love with the end result. Having things organized is a mini-triumph in a chaotic world, especially when done with some nice databases, or color-coded filing systems.
 This isn't looking good to me right now. I feel kind of creepy, because I think I could start liberally applying the word "administrate" to a better part of my daily actions. That's not really how I imagined I'd end up. Up to this point, I've always been cool things like a "musician" or "ticket seller" (not as cool, but there's worse) or "geek" (which arguably is a cool thing, actually). Now if I listen to the axiom "do what you want to do…" I'm possibly faced with the grim future of being "Dustin Grovemiller, Administrator." This column hasn't even touched on the feeling of warmth and happiness I get when walking into an office supply store…
Bah! What's wrong with me? When did I become like this? Shouldn't I be lazy and disorganized? (Better question - shouldn't my inherent laziness CAUSE disorganization?) Shouldn't things like baseball and video games be taking precedence over organizing my CDs by genre? HOLY CRAP - I just typed that without even thinking about it! My CDs are organized by genre! On separate racks! Ahhhhhhh! So are all my books! And all my DVDs and VHS tapes… no, no, NO! I've got more than one sock drawer - one for white crew socks and one for all other kinds!!!
<weeping>
I think I need to go lie down now. Maybe get a glass of water.
Oh man, my drinkware is in separate cabinets based on plastic versus glass. I can't handle this…
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