Anthony Fears Satan
 
“_______________ is the next big thing.”

“______________ is the next Seattle.”

“___________________ are the next great American band.”
 
Ya’ll have heard this before, I’m sure. You see, this comes from the fact that we view rock music cyclically as opposed to linearly -- it’s very Eastern like that. The epochs of rock (oooh, that rhymes) are heralded by the coming of the newest rock messiah… who in turn replaces the bastard offspring of the last rock messiah. It is as if the god of rock music sends us prophets to spread their eternal and abiding messages -- whatever the hell they might be -- to us, the rock faithful. But, as in the Bible, the prophets’ message fades and the people turn to false idols and sin, and the god of rock must send either a plague or a new prophet. And thus the cycle starts again. For example:
 
In the 70s, the rock god gave us two new forms of music: metal and punk. And lo, it was good. But then the devil (record companies) co-opted punk, turning it into New Wave... which led to Wham! and Duran Duran. And lo, it sucked (well, a lot of it anyway). But then, to save us from the vile influences of fashion and synthitars, metal came roaring back. First it appeared as the New Wave of British Heavy Metal, with its wicked twin guitar attacks and screeching vocals -- think Judas Priest and Iron Maiden -- and then as L.A. glam metal like Motley Crüe and W.A.S.P., which made your parents afraid (which is always nice). But man, of course, is frail. He succumbed once again to the sensual pleasures of fashion and cuteness, giving birth to the heretical school of hair metal. But fear not, because the hand of the rock god is always at work. As if preparing for these dark days, punk -- then forgotten by all but the devoted -- was gathering strength in the underground. And just as the once-proud metal stumbled, punk’s roots grew strong, and in the Year of our Lord Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-One, punk manifested itself in a blaze of flannel and smote the pretenders to the throne. So the cycle, starting with Ozzy and Johnny, to Nikki and Blackie, and through Kurt and Eddie continues.
 
The thing is, I think we may be breaking the cycle. In my estimation, the problem is one of watched pots boiling. We have become obsessed with the search for the next savior -- so much so that we are shuffling through the styles and fads much more quickly than before. I don’t know if it’s because we simply are not satisfied with the music out there right now; or at least the music that is popular now (and by that I mean the rock music that is popular now, not pop music. I don’t think we’ll ever be all right with that, my friends). Or maybe we’re just longing for the sense of new possibility that the "Next Best Thing" can bring.

The fact remains, however, that there hasn’t been a from-out-of-nowhere landscape-changing and otherwise-hyphenated coming since ol’ Kurt. Sure, the alternative scene lost its motion and gave way to hip-hop-influenced nü-metal, and that in turn seems to be running out of gas (except for Linkin Park, who seem to be holding their audience long than the Papa Roaches of the world), but has there been that one band, or even a group of bands, that has really changed the game?" I don’t see it. Garage bands? Sorry, that’s not even a real scene -- the bands that are making any national waves aren’t from the same place like early 80s L.A. or early 90s Seattle, and they don’t really sound alike (I mean, listen to the Vines and then the White Stripes back to back). Granted, I do see a musical connection between the Nuggets-influenced Detroit / Northern Ohio bands (the White Stripes, the Dirtbombs, the Black Keys, etc.), as well as the arty-punk New York outfits (The Strokes, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Interpol, the Great Shakes, etc.), but neither of these scenes are really changing the way we wake up in the morning, as much as I or anyone would like them to.  Same thing with Emo; there is no way that Dashboard Confessional, Bright Eyes, and Coheed and Cambria are all part of the same cohesive movement. Are they good bands making new and interesting music? Yup. I’ll even grant you that they attract a similar audience. But I don’t see it as an epochal force that will change the map of rock music and then in turn will someday mutate into something that will be replaced. It’ll just be replaced by the next thing that someone dreams up. We are just so anxious for the next revolution that we are exhausting bands before they can really make I happen. It seems that if we really want it to happen, then it will. But I don’t think it will play out that way at all. I see it as the old Nietzschean axiom, slightly altered:
 
The rock god is dead; the will of rock man has killed him.
 
 
p.s. -- I don’t know who the Next Big Thing is, but personally, I’m rooting for Thursday.

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Anthony Eldridge is a newly-minted "regular contributor" to the footnote. He enjoys music.