Movie Title: Kekko Kamen
Director: Takafumi Nagamine
Writers: Gô Nagai (manga), Yûki Okano (screenplay)

Starring:
Juri Inahara … Mayumi Takahashi
Shino Saitô … Keiko Natsuwata and Kekkô Kamen

Kekko Kamen is a superhero. She's the kind of superhero who wears nothing but a mask and boots. As the song goes "Nobody knows her face, but everyone knows her privates." You'd think then this was just some porn with a mask. It isn't. Oh, no.

Let's get the plot out of the way. There's a school that purports to teach young girls to be newscasters. Secretly though, the school only exists to torture and humiliate the girls! Oh no! Kekko Kamen comes into the scene because that's what she does: nakedly stop schoolteachers from molesting Japanese schoolgirls.

So, uhm, in this movie (which is live-action, folks) one of the girls just returned to Japan from somewhere else and has trouble reading the language. She is, basically, too stupid to be there. When she gets advice that she should study, she gives the great response that she won't study -- she'll just become famous and rich enough to hire someone to tell her how to read things and to translate them into languages she knows.

How she intends to get that famous and rich without the ability to do her job in the first place we never find out. Frankly, it isn't the point.

The point is: the teachers torture the students. They take them down to a steel cage match set-up of a torture chamber and do things to them after stripping them to their underwear. That is the entire point of this film.

One girl they strap to a stolen Merry-Go-Round horse and whip her. One girl they surround with tomatoes and then cut the tomatoes with a chainsaw to scare her. (It still stays sharp enough to cut through cans! -- No, this wasn't a line in the movie; I just wish it had been) They trap one in a shallow pool and drop a bunch of eels on her.

They, frankly, aren't that great at torture.

But that's all right! When they're being tortured, Kekko Kamen comes to save them! Who is this masked woman? Who could she be? Could she be the plucky reporter sent from the TV station to find fresh new talent? Could she be the one kind teacher at the school? Could she be someone else completely?

Well, it is the kind school teacher who, when she hears from another student about some girl being tortured, tells her to leave the room "for the sake of the plot." Seriously. No damned lie. So my money is on her.

She swoops in and leaps over the cage! She fights the same four people every time! She never has a problem with them! They never learn!

And the times she does have a problem she has her secret attack ready! Muffication.

Let me repeat that and put it in bold for you:

MUFFICATION!

Much better. “Muffication” is where you fly at somebody, legs wide apart and... I don't know. But the name gives you a pretty detailed idea by itself, doesn't it?

Anyway! At the end she fights three impossible to beat foes: Turtle Kamen, Steel Kamen, and Fitness Kamen. Turtle Kamen has a shell strapped to his back. Steel Kamen makes little robot type noises when he moves. And Fitness Kamen is just in shape. They all get beaten as easily as anything else in this movie.

I don't get it. There is no sex, very tame violence, laughable really, and almost no nudity aside from Kekko Kamen herself. So it isn't porn. Even fetishists would have a hard time going for this one. So what is it?

It is supposed to be a parody of hentai type films.

Seriously, it is. Except it is so badly done, makes so little sense, and is so generally worthless that I can't figure out if they thought it was... anything, really.

It's like a Police Academy movie but one where they replaced Michael Winslow with a tit. Guttenberg might be Steel Kamen, I'm not sure. Maybe he's the ass crack? Whatever. Go rent this. I dare you.