I love naps. I do. If I could nap all the time and give up on those supposed big blocks of sleep I would do it in a second. Oh my lord, I love naps. I love them so much it isn't even amusing anymore. I'm addicted to naps.

Sadly, they screw up my schedule.

See, I'm not one of those people that takes a thirty minute nap and wakes up refreshed. I take three hour naps and wake up slightly groggy. It messes up the rest of my day and throws my ability to get to bed at a reasonable time -- in relation to when I have to be moving again -- totally out of order.

Still, if I have the chance...

Let's say I have to be on a day schedule for a while. Up at nineish, that sort of thing. Around 2:00 or 3:00 pm I will find myself craving a nap. I want to do nothing more than lay in a sunbeam on my bed, curl up, and die to the world for a few hours. Yeah, I sleep better in direct sunlight. It can't be that unusual, can it? My cat doesn't think so, at least.

But yeah, naps are a weakness. I can't resist taking them. I'll say I won't nap. I'll swear to myself, to friends, to people I have to call about business that I will be up and active and wide the fuck awake when they need me. Except if when they happen to need me falls around 4:00 or 5:00 pm. Prime fucking naptime, boys and girls. And if I can't find a way to keep busy from three 'till five or from seven 'till nine I'm out like a light.

It doesn't matter what I promised anyone. Oh sure, I'll feel bad when I answer the phone sleepily and claim to have just been busy... Christ all mighty, if you answer the phone dazed and confused and they know you are more coherent when drunk and that you don't smoke pot and... they think I'm a chronic masturbator with a serious problem, don't they? Fuck!

Where was I? Oh right. So yeah, if I answer the phone like that and swear I haven't been napping, don't buy into it. I fell into a sunbeam. I was weak. I heard the rain, and it made me drowsy. I... I'm a weak, weak man.

Now normal sleeping, that doesn't work for me. I don't sleep eight fucking hours a night! I can't! I sleep maybe five or six most nights, and they’re broken up wildly. I'll wake up once an hour, once every three at the least, and be awake enough to do something for a good fifteen minutes before I can pass back out. Seriously, that's all I can manage more often than not.

Somehow that whole sleeping at night thing never worked for me. Sleeping for long stretches can work, sometimes, but not that often unless I seriously apply myself, and that's the sort of all day coma that is reserved for special occasions.

You know what I mean, too. When you get up at 9:00 am, do work until 11 or so, then nap until three, get up for an hour or so, then back to bed until seven, and then back in bed by eight and so on.

Feast or famine, but never unbroken restive sleep.

Maybe it explains something about me. Possibly it explains far too much.