I don’t remember what in the hell my wife and I were watching on TV when I saw it, but like three times in a half hour I had to sit through a commercial for “The Most Relaxing Classical Album in the World… Ever!”

Okay, I suppose that you gotta find some way to keep selling classical music nowadays, but COME ON -- “The Most Relaxing Classical Album in the World… Ever!”? What in the hell are they trying to prove with a title like that? Way to make that shit hip, folks. Maybe for you next project you can take some Norwegian Metal bands and put together a collection called “The Best Fucking Music to Play While Mutilating Goats… Hail the Dark Lord!”

I’m not even sure who would bother to buy something like that off TV. Well, maybe my mother-in-law would, but anyone that’s married will tell you straight up that mother-in-law types never do anything that makes sense to you. So that little point aside, I want to know on whose authority that this collection of shit IS the best ever? Ed McMahon? I know the man hosted Star Search and all, but does that really give him the cred to give that kind of endorsement?

I guess my point is that those marketing guys are trying so hard, it’s a little like watching some nerd ask the hottest girl at the dance for a run around the floor. Those brilliant people need to just try a little less, and maybe go with a more laid back promotion, like “Classical Music for Your Minivan,” or “Classical Music to Drive Your Kids Nuts.” I think the only way it’s ever going to be “The Most Relaxing Classical Album in the World… Ever!” is if they package the CDs with a sampler of Valium.