| Attention people at General Mills: stop fucking with your cereals. Seriously, if I wanted shit made with whole grain, I’d be buying something that sounds Sweedish and has pictures of squirrels or bears or some other woodsy animal on it. But no, you have to make it look like you’re trying to serve the kids a better breakfast, so those of us that have been eating your cereal for years have to pay for it, all because you’re proudly making shit with “whole grain.”
Fuck your whole grain. I’m sure it doesn’t make the cereal all that better, and it makes the Lucky Charms taste like ass. I love Lucky Charms, have loved for as long as I can remember, and still like to buy a box every now and then to eat a bowl as a snack, or whatever. But now it tastes like cardboard with marshmallows. Same thing with Trix and Cocoa Puffs. Hell, you’ve even managed to take Count Chocula down a few pegs, and that dude’s an invincible vampire.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is “thanks but no thanks.” Thanks for making an effort to make our nation’s children look less like Fat Albert (only they’re white and live in the suburbs). But is your idea really going to help, faced with shit like McDonalds Happy Meals? You can take your whole grain and cram it up your rear, where whole grains will probably do some actual good. Bring back the sugar, for the sake of those that used to enjoy having “fun” with breakfast.
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