| If a drunken C-grade pseudo-celebrity flashes her fake breasticals at a bunch of morons in some oh-so-trendy bar, does it matter if there's no camera to record it? Did it really even happen if said topless footage of her giddily sad “look at me!” antics aren’t aired with the nipple-bits pixilated on national television?
There are just so many vapid, soulless morons on TV who are famous simply for being famous, and I can’t help but be bothered by the sad truth that fame has officially become something people are celebrated for in and of itself. Instead of a bit of flattery that actually has to be gained by doing something worth celebrating, a nice perk of having exceptional talents or accomplishments achieved by a select few, fame is now all you need to be famous. This epidemic of undeservingly watched lives featuring little more than the pathetic exhibitionism of emotionally needy attention whores born into money with nothing better to do than flaunt themselves, or the wholly unexceptional save for the camera crews following them around, has become an accepted part of the mainstream media. Not really breaking news, but it troubles me nonetheless.
Why do we watch things like the boring-ass day-to-day exploits of the formerly relevant that are cluttering the airwaves? Yeah, Ozzy and his family were amusing for the first couple of seasons, but none of that was worth the resulting exploits of barely cognizant likes of Anna Nicole Smith or Farrah Fawcett or--though he’s got style--Flava Flav and his many women. Still, though as many of these shows fail as succeed, the trend doesn't seem to be dying the quick death it deserves.
Also to blame for this reality glut is that glorified karaoke competition creating pointless nouveau-celebrities that millions watch even after the fun ends when all the certifiable freaks and oddballs have been cut, leaving the bland and arguably mildly talented. It’s not just singing, but also modeling, acting auditions, and too much more. Why is this low-end, manipulatively edited nonsense so popular? And even worse, why did I find myself caring if my favorite skinny beast vying to be America's next top coat hanger gets to model lipstick? What the hell is going on?! Many of these programs are barely more than auditions. Used to be, the general public wouldn't have to see the shitty singers not good enough to be rejected by Missy Elliot with her sucker still in her mouth or the girl who can't rap as good as that sassy Left Eye Lopez or the hack actor who bombed the audition--now their escapades get as much or more attention than the presumed professionals with actual record deals or acting gigs!
 It's not only the "glamorous" people or professions getting attention, either. Nannies and construction workers suddenly get airtime and a type of fame as well. Even wannabe cooks have their own shows besides instructional ones. Cooking's supposedly become exciting television and competition. Why do we care whom some Limey chef thinks can make the best filet mignon if we can't eat it?
I admit, there is a definite bit of fun and even intrigue in being a type of harmless voyeur in these recorded lives, especially of celebrities doing things only celebs can do, which isn't anything new. But why the hell are so many of us watching idiots trying to be businessmen or swapping wives for a week? Why do we watch washed up rock stars grocery shopping or getting their perfectly capped teeth cleaned? Why is the nonsensical and mundane suddenly interesting when it's on the TV?
One wonders why any of us do anything off camera. Everyday I go to work to enter data and whatnot into various databases. Would anyone watch that? I'm not a celebrity, but that doesn't seem to be a prerequisite if you have a camera crew. I mean, if millions tune in to see some fat ass try to lose weight, why not my struggle to make sure my office doesn't run out of pens? Maybe if the editing was flashy enough, or if occasional moments were made poignant by slow motion, my filing various reports into gray file cabinets could suddenly become adventures worth rooting for with the right hit song or heart tugging narration.
Seriously, why am I doing ANYTHING without cameras pointed at me? Hell, why are you doing whatever it is your doing out from the watchful eye of the camera lens? This could be good footage! Any one of us could be the next famous-for-being-famous pseudo-celeb whose average life and questionable talent become entertainment fodder for people the world over! Time to fess up and just accept the sad fact that the modern life isn't worth living if it's not caught on camera. Might as well think about joining in…
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